Image via WeHeartIt.
You know your boss is a idio-jerk when…
1. They hold a “15 minute” meeting for an hour-and-a-half on “How Not To Waste Time”… with a pretty chart.
2. They hire someone to manage you and your peers…who has the intelligence of a peanut. Literally.
3. The office network has crashed, the Internet is down and the phones are barely working – but you and your coworkers are stuck in the office gawking at each other for three days straight, nine hours a day.
4. Much less the idio-jerk cannot seem to add up in his head that the office runs on the network: no network + office = no office running.
5. Nope, they didn’t send you home where the Internet works and asked you to work from there. You all CAN do it, but heaven forbid your idio-jerk of a boss(es) does something that makes sense.
6. They consistently feel the need to tell the entire office that “big things are happening” … really? Where? Ooh across the street? No? Oh…
7. He’s in a bromance with the peanut from no.2 (above) and has to sit down and TEACH the Peanutman, what you teach to the interns.
8. How do you know that? You saw and were asked to assist (can you taste the irony?) Why? Because, of course, the Peanutman has a brain made of artificial peanut butter: too sticky, overtly sugar coated, quite messy with little real substance in it.
9. Did I mention that the Peanutman gloated at the last staff meeting about this newly acquainted skills and how wrong his first “deal” went…with your boss smiling broadly and nodding in appreciation at the other village idiot in the office. Gloating about doing work wrong and doing the work the interns do no less…seriously?
10. They want you to contact NASA…so that they can build a time-machine…so they can take the credit for going back in time and finding a cure for [insert disease of choice here.] No lie.
Image via WeHeartIt.
11. Instead of buying quality coffee to serve the clients when they come to the office for a meeting, your idio-jerk boss cleans/buys new things for his fish tank instead. I mean you KNOW that’s where the clients will be looking. They don’t give two hoots that the coffee just served to them tasted like…tar…as long as the small fish tank, off to the side, at the other end of the room, looks amazing!
12. They ask you to contact Queen Noor…because somewhere, about a thousand years ago, you might have shared a second-cousin with her seeing as you both share the same religion.
13. They walk around and stare at you and your co-workers instead of doing work trying to “intimidate” you…or because they have nothing else better to do ….like sales to gain new business considering theirs is tanking.
14. They go on and on about processes and efficiency, and throw out large words (in their minds) like “meta data” and “e-commerce” expecting you to swoon…yea, you’ll be swooning alright…in hopes of being sent home for being “ill” so you don’t have to listen to that garbage.
Image via WeHeartIt.
15. You’ve had the longest week/month/quarter known to man and brought in more revenue than anyone else. You are exhausted, the dark circles under your eyes are back, your feet hurt and you sprained your pointer finger from typing too much. Instead of congratulating you on a job well done and giving you a bonus, your boss just says, “Wow, we’ve made a lot of money.” Nope, the boss is not an idio-jerk…he’s moved up to a jerk.
16. Your co-worker is going on vacation next week, but before she left on Friday, the idio-jerk calls her into his office and tells her NOT to bother coming back in when she returns; she’s fired.
17. Those Bromantics you work for decided the entire offices needs to read a book…barely published by a legitimate publishing house, and written by a guy who learned his “skills” from those team building exercises you used to do at summer camp, or on the first day of school in the fifth grade. You smile, nod and silently vow never to read it, as you would like to preserve the brain cells you have left after THAT conversation.
18. The idio-jerk constantly tells you to turn down Pandora radio to the lowest volume possible, barely within hearing. Then, proceeds to blaze the music of the holy-rollers…in tongues.
19. So you’re in PR and the idio-jerk thinks the right way to pitch your story to the reporters is to…stalk them, confirm the confirmation of the confirmation and then leave a message on their voicemail every half-hour on the hour until they call you back.
Image via WeHeartIt.
20. Keeps a kid’s toy of a Lion in the center of the office, to remind everyone to “roar” and illustrate what they need to strive for…yes, that is my goal: one day I want to be a plastic toy from Burger King with the paint coming off of me.
21. You’re sick because the AC unit next to your desk broke and when the repair men came the dust went all over… you. So you call in sick the next day. Upon your return, your idio-jerk boss wants a doctor’s note for “your file” – that by the way, you know, doesn’t exist.
22. The idio-jerk sabotages the account that you are working on for his business because he doesn’t want you to get the credit for a job well done…. Did I mention the part about the account is for “his business?”
Image via WeHeartIt, by Joanna England.
23. The idio-jerk makes sexual jokes about/to his mother…in front of the entire office. If they are not embarrassed, well, you certainly were embarrassed for them.
24. The idio-jerk started his own business and has 11 employees; seven of whom are his “Board of Directors” – more chiefs than Indians, too many cooks in the kitchen, call it what you will…but yea, this ain’t Neverland.
25. He has the writing/grammar skills of a sixth grader and belongs on Jeff Foxworthy’s show. Yea, he didn’t know the difference between “can” and “will.”
26. The idio-jerk is just THAT stupid, that they really believe you actually like them… Ha! What a sucker. You deserve an Oscar for that performance.
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Sasha Muradali runs the ‘Little Pink Book’ . She holds a B.S. in Public Relations from the University of Florida (’07) and an M.A. in International Administration from the University of Miami(’08). She loves Twitter and all things social media, so you should find her @SashaHalima.
Copyright © 2009 Sasha H. Muradali. All Rights Reserved
