Dear MTV,
What are you smoking? Have you become so delusional that you have decided to alienate your target audience with the saccharine, Disney produced, money making machines of the teeny-bopper world?
I felt like I was watching the watered down Mouseketeer Club minus Britney, Ryan, Justin and Christina.
First you axe TRL and further bombard MUSIC Television with reality shows. But seriously? C’mon, be real with me – were you on a sugar rush just like Miley Cyrus seemed to be last night? Or were you as high as Kristen Stewart looked, when you decided to produce that atrocity you called an awards show?
I really don’t care that Lauren Conrad looked more like she belonged in Twilight than Kristen Stewart, or that whoever was responsible for Megan Fox’s hair deserves to be shot, or even that I had to sit through the last 10 minutes of the Speidi wedding before the evening’s events commenced, as apparently you don’t do real red carpet shows anymore.
No, no, I won’t complain about that. Not at all.
Nor will I complain or say that I probably won’t watch the 2010 show if it’s going to be as New Moon soaked as the ’09 extravaganza was laced in land of the Cold Ones and a wolfy.
But I will say, Dubya-Tee-Eff were you thinking with the whole Eminem/Bruno fiasco. How did you not realize it was just a tad offensive and pretty obnoxious, even for you? Wait and see, Slim Shady is going to write a song about you, and duet with Kanye West to form the anti-MTV coalition. I can see Ryan Seacrest announcing it now, “And the number one song this week on American Top 40 is…” He did say,
This is no longer the late 1990s and early 2000s, the era of Fred Durst v. Christina, Hillary v. Lindsey v. Aaron Carter and Jennifer Love v. Carson Daley is over. No need to create drama with the Slim. Just stick a couple girls on Edward Cullen, give him a head start on the track then yell “Go!” and I promise, you’ll get an entertaining story with room for a follow-up and a reality show in a hospital! What drama that would be!
No wonder you are pre-taped, and often broadcasted on a delay, “That sh$% can’t go live!”
Potter, Potter, Potter. Did J.K. Rowling and the WB threaten you? Your exclusive for the Half-Blood Prince has been seen before in a little something called a trailer. What gives?
And while, it was truly amusing to see the return of the Cuban Cigar smoking, foul-mouthed puppy, named Triumph, in your “let’s make fun of the Oscar’s moment,” the fact that Twilight won best picture over the Dark Knight and Slumdog Millionaire…umm, are you on the same ‘shrooms Catherine Hardwicke was chewing during the filming of Twilight in her special nurse’s hat?
On a positive note, the New Moon trailer was worth watching, as Taylor Lautner’s new body is quite lovely, and all those extra camera pans to Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine earned you some brownie points, as well as, how did you ever get Rob Pattinson to finally get a haircut and utilize hair gel?
Better luck next year.
Sincerely,
Me.
P.S., Can you get Chris Rock out of MTV retirement by asking him to host again? That would seriously, be fab!
Copyright © 2009 Sasha H. Muradali. All Rights Reserved.
