2009 AMAs: GaGa’s Crotch-Thing, Rihanna’s White Worm & Glambert’s BDSM Moves

MTV did something right at the 2009 VMAs because it was entertaining and it’s a shame the American Music Awards are in dire need of a few lessons. The show was total garbage. I want those three hours of my life back.

I read an article this morning in the New York Times and I wondered if they were smoking the same junk the producers of the AMAs were.

Seriously?

They thought the show was great because Michael Jackson picked up four posthumous awards? Umm, hello, folks, Jeff Buckley is one of the few artists to have a number one hit song posthumously, so really, look for another unique angle to your story because that and J-Lo falling on her butt during “Louboutins” doesn’t make the show memorable or historical.

Proud to be an American, New York Times?

Really?

The show was an embarrassment. Like I said, the 2009 MTV VMAs was way better in comparison: from Lady GaGa to Janet to even Kanye and Taylor. In retrospect, I consider myself entertained.

• Janet Jackson

She was lip-syncing, it wasn’t an 8-minute tribute to Michael Jackson, her dancing was off and she never even did the signature moves from “If.” The performance was overrated, over advertised and her pants were the size of a tent.

The ironic thing was that Paula Abdul presented an award directly afterwards and all I could think to myself, was, why didn’t Paula open?

I would have been entertained at least.

• Shakira

“Give it Up To Me” was ghastly!

The was the worst performance I’ve seen from Shakira EVER. Stepping, rapping and looking like Lil Kim’s people took over her entire career isn’t appealing to me, sorry.

One of my friends keeps telling me, “Sash, she’s Shakira, she can sing whatever she wants. Just look at her.”

My answer to that? I own all of her albums and have seen her three times in concert. I guess that makes me a fan because I don’t watch Shakira, I listen to her too.

So basically, if that’s the future of her music, you can certainly count me out. I’ll stick to my CDs with Ojos Asi, Estoy Aqui and La Tortura on them.

• Keith Urban

Goodness, the announcers were so obnoxious, but still — when is Keith Urban not a pleasure to watch?

Whether you like his music or not, there isn’t anything actually wrong with his performances. Even if I wasn’t a fan, I would have still welcomed “Kiss the Girl” because it was decent music, a man with a guitar and a country rock band.

It’s not hard to mess up.

• Kelly Clarkson

I’m so happy she made up with Clive Davis because she sang “Already Gone” with a mini-orchestra backing her and it was lovely. I mean simply lovely.

Kelly has this unique ability to use her raspy voice and evoke such emotion no matter what she sings. The fact that she was back on speaking terms with Mr. Davis, who then provided excellently arranged songs to fit her, made it all the much better.

• American Idol and Simon Cowell Night???

On a completely unrelated side note, did anyone else feel like they were watching Simon Cowell and American Idol Awards Night? I mean Leona Lewis, Paula Abdul, Kris Allen, Carrie Underwood, Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson and Adam Lambert closed the show.

Just saying….

• 2009 Was the Year of the Swift!

Okay, I love Taylor Swift as much as the next sparkly girl. But:-

1. She forgot to thank Kanye when she was awarded Artist of the Year
2. How did she win over Lady GaGa?

No, seriously. While, I thought it was cute that she got Entertainer of the Year at the CMA Awards (it was awarded to her by Tim McGraw, whom her debut song was named after) earlier this year, I did not think she deserved Female Vocalist of the Year because let’s face it, she can’t sing like Carrie or Reba.

Taylor’s an excellent songwriter and all, but vocalist?

Which brings me full circle to the AMAs. Artist of the Year? Eminem had a bigger year, out-selling even Jay-Z and Lady GaGa basically can be the dictator of Europe and the rest of the world, if she wanted too.

So seriously, I want to know what happened here?

• Alicia Keys + Jay-Z = Empire State of Mind

I love this song, but someone needs to get Alicia Keys a hairdresser. Gah. WTF was up with that? I wanted to enjoy the song, I wanted to enjoy Jay-Z’s throw back white jacket and I wanted to enjoy Alicia’s beyond fabulous outfit that I would steal in a heartbeat, but goodness, her hair!

It’s so shallow I know, but, eh, eh what can I say?

It was still a phenomenal performance though. I mean even Whitney was breaking down to it

• I Got That Boom Boom Pow!

I really enjoyed this. The Black Eyed Peas always have such great performances and their theatrics are always superb.

There was only one thing I didn’t like:- Fergie looks like a cracked out ballerina in pleather & hooker boots. Someone get her a stylist!

• Rihanna and the White Worm

Was she channeling her inner prisoner or inner white worm? I’m going to go with the worm. The performance was over done and it wasn’t spectacular.

Also, someone needs to explain to me why people kept saying over and over again,  “The Return of Rihanna!”

Hello, folks, chick never left! She was beat up by her boyfriend. For her to return she would have had to have GONE away.

There is a major difference between those two facts.

Some producer or PR person should be fired somewhere for being idiot and not knowing the difference.

• Bad Romance
  

Only three things to say on this:-

1. The VMA performance was FAR better than this — even though Lady G played the piano.
2. What the hell was that piece of material on her crotch?
3. GaGa wore normal makeup…I never thought I would see the day.

• Gloriana

Speaking of Lady GaGa, she lost out to country music band Gloriana for Breakthrough Arist of the Year.

I LOVE Gloriana. But I wasn’t expecting them to win this because in comparison to say, Lady GaGa they are much smaller. However, I got really angry when I saw a ton of people posting nasty, obnoxious and really rude stuff about the band on Twitter while the AMAs were going on.

Dear People Hating Gloriana for Winning Breakthrough Artist of the Year,

If you have such a big problem with it, then you should have voted for who you wanted to win.
The award is fan/vote-based.
It’s your own fault. Period.

Sincerely,

Me. xx

• Louboutins!

Okay, so she made a tumble around the three-minute mark (it was a nice save!) but seriously, if you are going to sing about a pair of designer shoes called Louboutins, you should be wearing a pair doing it!

• Whitney! Whitney! Whitney!

*squeee* She’s still got it.

I wasn’t a big fan of the song itself, but the performance was very good. I expect Whitney Houston’s return to be something quite amazing!

Really enjoyed her singing, “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength!”

• For Your Entertainment…

…too bad I wasn’t entertained.

Right so, Adam Lambert sang perfectly, just as I expected he would. Except, the performance was lacking, over-indulged and the song is terrible.

Gah.

I know he’s trying to separate himself from the wholesomeness that is American Idol, but like Lady GaGa, give your crotch a break. Dude, I know you have one, every living being on the planet has one. There is no need to focus each dance move on a pelvic-thrust.  Go entertain yourself at strip club instead of the AMAs if you want to do that.

I was under the impression that music was about your singing and not how many backup dancers you could thrust your pelvis at?

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Sasha Muradali runs the ‘Little Pink Book’ . She holds a B.S. in Public Relations from the University of Florida (’07) and an M.A. in International Administration from the University of Miami(’08). She loves Twitter and all things social media, so you should find her @SashaHalima.

Copyright © 2009 SashaH. Muradali. All Rights Reserved