I refuse to settle for anything less than Mr. Darcy

A Mr. Darcy personifed

I refuse to settle for anything less than Mr. Darcy
(aka – you men need to step up your game. I’m not asking for the world, only that you act like you belong in the one of which I inhabit.)

In response to a recent article on Review Romance, a not-so-subtle ‘boy’ claims that women, the world over, for the past 200 years, are ‘nuts’ because we love Fitzwilliam Darcy, the hero from Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of husband!”

A mini-essay of sorts, because I feel you are in dire need of an education, sir.

  • “You expect me to account for opinions which you choose to call mine, but which I have never acknowledged.”

…you let this be your idea of what romance should be. Well, that’s like me looking at an airbrushed playboy centerfold and expecting women to be D cups and enjoy football – it’s not going to happen. Mr. Darcy doesn’t exist, that’s right Virginia, there’s also no Santa Claus.

No, I’m not crazy and Mr. Darcy doesn’t belong in the pages of Playgirl. He’s better than that.

How do I love Fitzwilliam? Let me count the ways…

A post-modern moment.

  • “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Darcy’s exceedingly intelligent.

Don’t think for a moment, that you having the intelligence of peanut is attractive to me.

You better be as intelligent as I am, or better. If I can’t talk to you about what really bugs me, like the hypocritical relations of world politics, what’s in season for ‘the ton,’ or Monet versus Manet – then I’m just going to be coming home to a body. Who needs a body when a rabbit is available? Thanks, but no thanks. I have substance and I’d prefer my man of choice to have some too.

I want to talk with you, not to you.

The early dawn Mr. Darcy

  • He is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

Obviously, this is subjective.

But do not ever imagine that Darcy, had he lived in the 21st century, would walk around in crumpled clothing, looking like he just got out of bed, threw on a backwards cap (which hides some greasy hair), sliding his badly-kept toes into some beat up reefs, and shower himself in cologne expecting me to swoon.

Part of Darcy’s appeal, isn’t that he is filthy-rich and wearing exclusive clothing, but that he is clean – clean cut, well-kept, combed hair, brushed teeth. This is what I like to call basic hygiene and some.

Take a shower and iron you shirt.

The moment of Mr. Darcy moments...the pond. This is the reason women love Regency and swoon.

  • “Nothing is more deceitful,” said Darcy, “than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast.”

Have you ever met those people who are just loaded with money, but have no style and no grace? But then you met, just an everyday boy or girl, who oozes class, comfort and humility? Were you attracted to the latter, rather than the former, just because it was easier to relate to them? If you were, then that is Darcy.

He is not sexy and gorgeous because of his wealth (though, I suppose family genetics can or cannot be helped), he is gorgeous and sexy because of what he represents: he’s not trying to be something that he’s not. He’s happy with himself, though recognizes the spots for improvements (as seen in the latter half of Pride & Prejudice), and that is reflected in how he behaves.

Be confident. I’m not going to like you because of who you know, I’m going to like you because of what you know.

At first glance.

  • “No,” said Darcy, “I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”
    “That is a failing indeed!” cried Elizabeth. “Implacable resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot laugh at it. You are safe from me.”
    “There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil— a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.”
    “And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.”
    “And yours,” he replied with a smile, “is willfully to misunderstand them.”

So I know, for some absurd reason, men think that Darcy is a ‘prick,’ and that women prefer their men to be ‘bad.’ But if the men, who undoubtedly misjudged and follow this concept, would take a step off of their soap boxes and listen they would understand that nothing could be father than the truth.

Darcy is as popular as he is, because he is none of that: he is perfect; he is flawed; he is human.

Have you ever heard that, people who have the most to say, say nothing at all? Darcy isn’t like that. He is quiet, reserved and says what needs to be said in public. Often, looked upon as stoic, the anti-hero-who-is-not, can be Byronic, and snarky – everyone has their own outer defenses.

If you have something to say – say it. If you have nothing to say – keep your mouth shut.

Think before you talk.

Another view of that post-modern moment.

  • “My object then,” replied Darcy, “was to show you, by every civility in my power, that I was not so mean as to resent the past; and I hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to. How soon any other wishes introduced themselves I can hardly tell, but I believe in about half an hour after I had seen you.”

Allow me to educate you on something: Darcy was brought up in the world of the utmost British elite, given the highest of principles but nothing to govern them with and left to his own devices. He fiercely watches out for his best friend, Charles Bingley (even when it hurts Charles) and is one of the only father-figures in the life of his 15-year old sister, Georgiana. He wants to be good for her, to her, with her. He protects her, spoils her and he governs what he does to provide for her, before himself. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like a pretty fantastic older brother.

If a guy comes of like a prick, he’s a prick. You think you’re going to be good for him? Help him? Reveal that better man? There’s no man underneath ladies, there isn’t even an underneath, and we have no hidden layers, we simply are who we are. The crazy thing is, many of the girls I know who are like this get turned off by a guy who is just simply nice, and not an asshat. They’d rather change a guy into that, than just pick that guy.

Fitzwilliam Darcy

I daresay, sir, you have grossly misunderstood.

If I have to fix you, why would I want to be with you?

To mold you into a puppet? No thanks, I have my Ken dolls from when I was five, I don’t need another one. And now that Mattel has come out with Spock and Edward Cullen Ken, remind me why I’m explaining this to you again?

If it looks like a pig, walks like a pig, snorts like a pig and eats like a pig – well, then it’s probably a pig. While, some of my sex may call it a cow, and try to turn it into a chicken, to most of us…it’s still a pig.

Don’t insult my intelligence, but ASSuming I don’t know any better. Such action, of the Neanderthal kind, is precisely the reason I don’t date the likes of you. I’m not being difficult or delusional. I’m a girl who simply respects herself, and thinks she deserves a little bit more than the likes of the least showered, slobbish, ‘pricks’ out there.

  • “There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

I refuse to settle for anything less than Mr. Darcy.

The Darcy "look"

The place confusion ends, the unabridged truth, what you should know about the man we love, but won’t take time to learn.


Me xx.

The ‘pond’ scene everyone talks about via the BBC —

The ‘post-modern’ scene, 12 years later —

If you want to ‘preview’ (aka the entire film streaming online) some Regency/Austen/Bronte/Gaskell films on YouTube, go here. Should you choose to indulge in some Mr. Darcy goodness, here you go:


Sasha Muradali runs the ‘Little Pink Book’ . She holds a B.S. in Public Relations from the University of Florida and an M.A. in International Administration from the University of Miami. She loves Twitter and all things social media, so you should find her @SashaHalima.

Copyright © 2009 Sasha H. Muradali. All Rights Reserved.


  1. Ashley B. says

    I think this may be my favorite article of yours. I share your love of Pride and Prejudice and Fitzwilliam Darcy.

  2. aww, thanks Ash! 🙂
    He IS awesomeness, is he not. *dreamy*sigh*

  3. Astrid Parks says

    Lovely! Just lovely!

  4. Great article!
    People take a glance and judge who Mr. Darcy really is and not what he represents.
    I'm just thankful I've found my Mr. Darcy! There should be more of them in the world.

    (Btw, when I read the “rabbit” comment, I started laughing!)

  5. Listen,
    I was asked to give a males perspective. Thats all. I'm not saying its correct, I'm not saying its wrong. I'm saying that the impression given to many males with this sort of thing is confusing. If you want to rebute it, talk about how that impression is transmitted, not whether or not it is accurate.

    As you said, hes perfect hes flawed, hes human. Well then WTF is he? Those are contradictary terms. Even you before said you wanted a Darcy hybird and not a darcy? How are we suppose to tell the difference if we're provided just the Darcy message? How are we suppose to grasp that idea.

    I never layed this to a lack of respect or self respect. I layed it to the confusion this causes. To refutte an impression is like me telling you how you feel about something is incorrect, im not doing that, im just telling you how it makes men feel as “The Darcy” is currently communicated.

  6. Hi there,

    I understand what you’re saying and your confusion. So let me try to clarify
    to you a little bit more…

    The point of my response is that I think you misunderstood who/what Darcy
    represents. To the outside unknowing eye – you simply hear – “oh, yea, that
    guy’s a jerk, and some small town British girl falls for him. All those
    girls out there love him. Lord knows why.”

    But that’s just the outside. That’s not why girls love him, and that’s not
    who he is by a long shot. I think to have better understood the character
    you should have either a) read Pride & Prejudice or b) looked him up online
    to see a little bit more about him.

    That’s the thing, girls don’t love Darcy because of what he ‘appears’ to be,
    they love him for ‘who he is.’ There is a big difference. And girls that are
    fans of ‘the Darcy-types’ want a guy who is a) a guy b) a good person c) no
    full of hot air d) can be the strong silent, tall dark and handsome, but at
    the same time e) be a genuinely great person.

    The girls who know this and believe this – are the ones who read the books,
    they’ve seen the films, and they aren’t just saying he’s great based on
    ‘hearsay’ or the fact that Colin Firth looked absolutely stunning in the
    role of Darcy.

    ‘Hearsay,’ is the same reason a lot of men don’t know a thing about Darcy –
    because they don’t have the patience to sit down and read a novel by Austen.

    A contemporary example? Do you listen to country music? Brad Paisley has a
    song called “I’m Just a Guy” I believe – take a listen, I think that’ll help
    you visualize a little more.

    I’m not criticizing what you said, simply that you were severely
    misunderstood in your assumption.

    When I said, Darcy is about self-respect. That is exactly what I meant. I
    was not agreeing with you. And a Darcy-hybrid refers to any man who fits the
    ‘mold’—for there is truly only one Darcy and he exists in a book.

    My rebuttal was also a generalization to all men out there who simply just
    ‘don’t get it/Darcy.’

    You can “grasp that idea” by reading “Pride and Prejudice” and watching one
    of the films in order to see, read and hear firsthand how/what/who he is.

    For example, my dad gets it, because he’s my dad and lives in the same house
    I do and has four sisters. My friend Nicole, her husband Allen gets it, but
    that’s because Allen took the time to listen, watch and educate himself on
    the character. At their wedding, he came up to me and very sweetly said,
    “Sasha! I’m Nicole’s Mr.Darcy!”

    Darcy is figurative and iconic of what a girl really wants.

    He respects women, he watches out for his friends, he is crass but could be
    romantic, most of..he’s a ‘guy.’ He’s not some made-up Ken Doll, or Edward
    Cullen, or Prince Charming. He is clean cut, well mannered, well read etc.,
    He is flawed in a lot of ways. Very flawed as a matter of fact – his temper
    is just as resentful and hateful as he admits it is, for example. But that’s
    just part of what makes him human. Therefore, he is perfect. He is that
    mixture of what is ideal and what isn’t. Again, hence he’s human. It’s that
    humanizing quality that makes him come to life unlike a lot of other
    literary characters.

    I would even go as far to say, perhaps he’s a more demur calm version of
    James Bond. If you can see the connection.

    I mean there is a reason that figuratively women say, “Oh where is my Romeo”
    – but then they also say, “I wish he was more like Mr. Darcy.”

    Women want the Romeo – that dying, passionate love. But realistically, they
    want someone who exists…like ‘Darcy.’

    And those of us who believe he is out there…believe he is out there not
    because we want some fictional character from a romance novel (though I
    would say Austen is more Classic than Romance) – but we believe he’s out
    there because we know people that are like him. My dad is my mom’s Mr.
    Darcy. Allen is Nicole’s Mr. Darcy – so on and so forth.

    His hybrids exist, we just choose to wait and seek to find them. That is us
    respecting ourselves as women and not settling. Refusing to settle and
    waiting for Darcy – means truly waiting to find your Mr. Right.

    That is all.



    Darcy’s also drop-dead sexy! 🙂

  7. Great analysis – very on point!! Glad I found your site & blog. I'll be returning!

  8. Glad to hear it Sue! 🙂
    Thank you! xx.

  9. Great post! Really, I don't know if I would like Darcy if I met him. I like a guy that I can have easy, and lengthy, if need be, conversations with. Nevertheless, Darcy is a great guy.

  10. Well said! I'm with you 100%!

  11. Great post! Really, I don't know if I would like Darcy if I met him. I like a guy that I can have easy, and lengthy, if need be, conversations with. Nevertheless, Darcy is a great guy.

  12. Well said! I'm with you 100%!

  13. Great post! Really, I don't know if I would like Darcy if I met him. I like a guy that I can have easy, and lengthy, if need be, conversations with. Nevertheless, Darcy is a great guy.

  14. Well said! I'm with you 100%!