American Idol Aftergasm: The Bikini & the Beachy Boy

(L-R) Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, Ryan Seacrest on American Idol S8 finale. Photo by ArkTimes.

Kris Allen won American Idol last night, and I can’t tell you how excited I am. I was definitely one of those who predicted Adam Lambert would win. From Katy Perry to The Black Eyed Peas and alike endorsing Lambert, I was convinced the man I consider the next Jason Mraz, aka Kris Allen, would be the runner-up. Needless to say, I was surprised. Happily surprised and pranced around my room in joy!

The Huffington Post calls Kris Allen “mediocrity” with “no personality” and an “average voice.” But I beg to differ. He’s not “vanilla soft serve.” Kris is vanilla slow-churned, with hot fudge and peanuts. He’s classic and contemporary, that is why he won. I’m sure it had nothing to do with me dialing Kris’ 1866-IDOLS-06 number a few times on Tuesday night. No, not at all, my friend.

Maybe because I’m one of those fresh out of college kids, who loves that guy who, yea, knows the chords for “Free Fallin,’” but is also genuinely just a really nice.

You know who I’m talking about, that dude, you call him a “dude,” he’s the boy-next-door.

Maybe it’s that American mentality I spoke about earlier. Or maybe it isn’t? I’m not really sure I want to analyze my thoughts, or yours for that matter.

(L) Adam Lambert (R) Kris Allen. American Idol Finale. Photo courtesy of

 I’m not saying Adam Lambert is a lost cause; not by a long shot. I was definitely one of those people who pre-ordered Sarah Brightman’s “Symphony” (which included a duet with Paul Stanley) and I can rock out to Within Temptation any day of the week. Heck, the Gary Jules and Mike Andrews version of “Mad World” is the best, and Adam’s version had me on the edge of my seat during Idol.

But at the end of the day, I can relate to Kris Allen. His style reminds me of Jack Johnson fused with Feist (you know the song from the Apple commercial, “1,2,3,4”), some Regina Spektor and Jason Mraz. He reminds me of my days at Old Florida: sweet tea from a Mason jar, Reefs, midnight coffee runs, cold pizza, and that guy at The Swamp who strums along to Jimmy Buffett and John Mayer. He’s that nostalgia of crisp autumn, sweltering summers and those wide-open spaces that scream Americana, ringing in my ears the sounds of a four-wheel drive.

Take it or leave it, so yea, he has two first names…I’ll probably pre-order his CD too.

Kara-mia Fair!


Oh Kara DioGuardi, how I heart thee. Let me recite the ways:

How I heart thee for not selling your body (the “bet” money for her mini-strip went to charity), for actually having some talent and chops to belt out a Mariah Carey track without sounding like a fake R&B-wanna-be (I’m talking to you Bikini Girl).

Oh Kara, how I heart thee for showing that at the end of the day, talented girls, smart girls and girls with a sense of humor, who can control the bitch within, actually finish first.

American Idol 2009 - Golden Idol winner Katrina Darrell sings with Kara DioGuardi - AI belong to FOX. Image still belongs to Huffington Post.

Sweetie, how I heart thee, indeed.

 P.S., yes that is Simon Cowell giving DioGuardi (alongside Paula) a standing ‘O.’

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  1. I suspect that the “100 million” vote count represents the Adam Lambert fans versus everybody else; some people out there must have auto-dial machines